The Most Important Rule in My Life5 min read

Ever been at a party that you couldn’t wait to leave? Or been in a conversation that was so awful, that you are trying to think of the best excuse to get out of there? I feel like I’m drowning in commitments and it’s scattering my mind: work, family, helping a friend move, doing a side-project, New Year’s Resolutions, and the list goes on…

Here’s the solution:

• Cancel all “Meh” Events
• Focus on “F*** YEAH!” Events
• Avoid people-pleasing

Last week I cancelled, yes cancelled, a vacation.

I have an upcoming trip to Hawaii that I am super excited about and have been dreaming, saving, and planning for years (F*** YEAH! Surfing! Beaches! Poke Bowls!), but the week before the trip, I was planning on spending a weekend car trip to Washington DC with some friends. 

As the DC trip approached this week, I asked myself, “Why the heck am I doing this? Simply to see these places? Because someone told me to visit them? Because I want to please my friends?” I am having such a good time working on projects at home, and my new daily routine is creating fantastic results. Do I want to stop them because of a trip I feel “meh” about?

“Meh” Events = Cancel Immediately

No! Sitting on my couch one morning, I realized I didn’t want to go! Staying in random hotel rooms, checking off the tourist checkpoints on my phone, I wanted to stay home! 

I called the hotels, texted my friends, and canceled the rooms and tours! Non-refundable, of course.

So, I wasted some money. Or did I? No. I don’t think I did. I would spend that money again in a heartbeat to save a day of “meh,” or even a couple of hours where I was watching the clock, or forced to spend a night out with people that I wasn’t excited to see. After I canceled, I felt immediately at ease. Stress disappeared. Shoulder weight disappeared. Like my body was so happy that I was canceling something I felt “meh” about.

Here are some other “Meh” Events I’ve canceled and immediately felt lighter:

• Lukewarm relationships (romantic, friendly, and business)
• Business Projects (App development, other courses, “popular” YouTube video ideas)
• “Famous” Books or Movies like Lawrence of Arabia or The Divine Comedy
• Coffee Chats on Zoom (I now only take walking chats where there is a clear point to the discussion)
• Clothing, TV shows, hiking trips, speaking engagements, “new” productivity software, or “life hacks”

Cancel them, cancel them, cancel them!! You will thank me later. 

Warning: as you begin to cancel and say “no” to various things, you will inevitably have the human emotion of “FOMO,” or “Fear of Missing Out,” notice that feeling and then remember your training young Padawan.

Remember, when you say “yes” to one thing (marriage, job offer, book to read) you are saying “no” to thousands of others.

More “F*** YEAH” Events

The real reason to cancel “Meh” Events is to create space and time for “F*** YEAH” events. Isn’t that the point of life?

1. Figure out what your priorities are in life. What gives you joy and energy?
2. Identify things that aren’t your priority.
3. Increase the time spent on priority items and decrease the time spent on non-priority items.

Simple right? You are welcome. I just found your meaning to life. I only accept payments of Krabby Pattys, and no Plankton fakes, I’ll be able to tell,. Cheers.

Avoid People-Pleasing

How often are you doing things just to please other people? Are you “setting yourself on fire to keep others warm?” If so, don’t do that! 

“Be content to seem what you really are.” – Marcus Aurelius

The exception, of course, is very dear family members and friends. It’s okay to make sacrifices to help them or even other random people who are in dear need of help. The problem is many of us spread ourselves way too thin and suffer “a death of many cuts” from small events that stack up to take over our lives. Watching the newest TV series to fit in, taking an extra meeting, going to late-night parties, and this list goes on.

The paradox is the more we help people with these “meh” events, the less likely we are to help them in the future because we burn ourselves out. I noticed this near my final months of becoming a doctor. My health was strained to the point where it took every ounce of effort to focus on being a helpful and focused doctor and teammate, compared to the beginning of the year when it came effortlessly. 

The best way to save yourself from the death of many cuts, in my experience, is to set personal rules and boundaries. Then, when you refuse to do something, it’s not because of the other person. It’s because of your personal rules, for example:

• For 2025, I don’t drink, so when people ask me to drink when I’m out, I have a simple response, “I don’t drink,” instead of, “I don’t feel like having a drink tonight,” get a very different response.
• I go to bed early and wake up early. Many people understand when I can’t go to events late at night because of my early start.
• I don’t look at my phone except between 2 and 6 pm. So, when people want to have meetings or calls or chat outside of emergencies, of course, they just know those are the only times I chat. So, instead of, “I’m actually in the middle of something right now, I don’t think I can talk,” it’s “I don’t have my phone on me until 2 p.m”

The Bottom Line

Every time you receive a new request, a new ask, a new project, or a new potential commitment, before immediately jumping to the pleasing response of “Yes, of course,” take a second and think.

If you aren’t saying “F*** YEAH” in your head, say no. 

We are all busy. We’ve all stuffed our brains and our calendars with too much. Say “no” and grow.

Have a fantastic week.

Zach

P.S. This post was inspired by Derek Sivers, and interestingly, Tim Ferriss is currently writing a book about this topic.